FREE FICTION: The Greatest BBQ in the…

Noah turned his hands to flames and set the whole wide world alight.

“Flood the plains now you interfering, omnipresent bitch!” screeched Noah, his vocal chords taut with anger and marinated in smoke.

With this uncharacteristic outburst, Noah took a deep breath, hacked up his lungs and tried to act cool by smoothing the front of his robe.

Unheard by mortal ears, high in the clouds Mrs. God chuckled to herself…

“He’s just trying to cover his erection!”

…and burst into an almighty fit of giggles, which sent a rainbow sprawling skyward, from Egypt to darkest Africa.

At first Noah’s little hissy fit was frowned up by the Greeks, and Romans, the Hebrews and Egyptians alike, however Noah was quite a resourceful fella and prior to his pyrotechnics had sent out invites to all for the Greatest BBQ in the World.

At first all the great tribes argued and grumbled…

“…will there be beef or swine?

We need to know what wine to bring?”

…and other similar rhymes en whine.

The Greeks added an ecological slant to the debate, but soon backtracked – something to do with a late invite.

And so it began… Noah came down from his mountain perch, slammed his staff into the charbroiled soil and cried unto the masses…

“Lets PARRR…TEA like its ..99!”

Even Mrs. God put in a cameo performance surprising even Noah – who expected at least a clip round the earlobe – when she issued forth “I admire those who can think outside the Ox”, which brought forth,  of course an amazing light show composed of all the colours of the rainbow.

Later in the eye of the storm Mrs. God took Noah aside and asked “Why?”

And to this Noah replied red-faced “I don’t know how to swim…”

Martin Roberts © 2012

Listen to: Noah and the Whale – Peaceful, the World Lays Me Down (1988)
Reading: The Shooting War – Anthony Lappe and Dan Goldman


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